Discovering Deaf Anxiety: A Journey of Self-validation
Figure 1: Photo of my work desk in January 2019 after breaking my hearing aid.
I was two years old when my parents learnt that the reason I was not speaking was because I was born with no hearing in my left ear and only partial hearing in my right ear. My parents attended night classes to learn New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL), while I attended Kelston Deaf Education Centre where I was immersed in deaf culture and made friends with other deaf/hard of hearing (HOH) children. I also attended mainstream early childhood education facilities where we learnt that I could “pass” in the hearing world. As I was enrolled in a mainstream primary school, I became further and further disconnected from the deaf community. I remember the specialists that visited me at school and their words of advice. Sit on the front left hand side of the classroom. Look at people’s faces when they talk to you. Wear your hearing aid. That last one I hated the most as I tried to pass as a hearing person in my mainstream world.
Earlier this year, I discovered a YouTube video titled “Artie McWilliams – Deaf Anxiety” (Ai-Media, 2017) which changed the way I perceived myself. In this short video, Artie shares his experiences of anxiety which are closely connected to his experiences as a person living with hearing loss. Deaf Anxiety is triggered by an inability to hear properly or at all. I recognised a lot of myself in Artie. The inability to truly relax as I enter a social situation or leave my house as I think of all the possible situations that may arise. Obsessing over missed information when I cannot hear a conversation properly. Will I be able to hear people when they talk to me? Will I understand what is going on? What if someone tries to talk to me when I am not looking at them and they think I am rude when I inadvertently ignore them? The list goes on and on. These feelings have been particularly heightened during the current global pandemic, particularly under Alert Levels 3 and 4. When people are wearing protective masks (which I completely support), I find it difficult to hear what they are saying. The masks stop me from being able to lip read or pick up on some tell-tale facial expressions. In these times, it is not socially acceptable to move closer to someone to hear them better either. My dilemmas are not unique and I have since found several others on the internet who have been willing to share their experiences of Deaf Anxiety. Reading other people’s narratives of navigating the space between the deaf and hearing worlds has put me on to a path of self-validation and acceptance of my lived experiences.
According to the National Foundation for Deaf and Hard of Hearing (2020), there are currently over 880,000 people in New Zealand living with hearing loss. Multiple studies comparing rates of anxiety between HOH people and the general population have found a higher prevalence of anxiety among the hearing-impaired population (Shoham, Lewis, Favarato & Cooper, 2019). While looking at the literature on deaf anxiety, I also learnt of the correlation between concentration fatigue and the hearing-impaired population. Listening takes an incredible amount of attention and cognitive resources. People who are HOH can experience concentration fatigue when our brains are working overtime from trying to understand what people are saying. It is challenging being on constant alert to avoid missing information from our surroundings. While the literature on this phenomenon in HOH adult is slim, qualitative studies have shown that people who are HOH experience more stress and fatigue at work than their hearing colleagues (Bess and Hornsby, 2014). This made total sense to me. Similar to learning about the connection between hearing loss and anxiety, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as I could rationalise the tiredness and irritability I so often feel, not to mention my (at times) shocking short term memory which is a common side effect of fatigue.
Now that I understand the root cause of my anxiety and fatigue better, I am in a better position to work on them and give myself permission to be kinder to myself. Here are a couple of the key realisations for me over the last couple of years which have made living with deaf anxiety more manageable:
· I let people know about my hearing impairment and ways they can help me to participate in conversations and social situations, such as allowing me to sit in a certain place or requesting they look at me when they speak. It is generally not a burden or inconvenience for people to make these accommodations and I have been touched by how genuinely the people in my life want to make it easier for me to participate and connect.
· As long as I am not cutting myself from all social opportunities, it is ok to not put myself in social situations where my anxiety may become difficult to manage because the environment is too loud and I will struggle to communicate. This is self-care. When I look after myself, I am in a better position to be responsive to the needs of others around me, as well. I put more energy into my key relationships and make an effort to spend time with people in small groups or one-on-one.
Not only have these realisations had a positive impact on my personal life but I see it as an asset for my professional practice as a Psychologist. I hope that by sharing my personal experiences, I have been able to provide young HOH people with coping mechanisms and some hope (for them and their families) that they do not need to let hearing loss be a barrier to pursuing their dreams or becoming a valued member of our society.
References:
Ai-Media. (2017, December 12. Artie McWilliams – Deaf Anxiety [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmlEq8JnBC0&feature=youtu.be
Bess, F. H., & Hornsby, B. W. (2014). Commentary: Listening can be exhausting—Fatigue in children and adults with hearing loss. Ear and hearing, 35(6), 592.
National Foundation for Deaf and Hard of Hearing (2020). Retrieved from https://www.nfd.org.nz/what-we-do
Shoham, N., Lewis, G., Favarato, G., & Cooper, C. (2019). Prevalence of anxiety disorders and symptoms in people with hearing impairment: a systematic review. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 54, 649-660.
Erika Lamb is an Educational Psychologist who has worked for the Ministry of Education (MoE) since 2016. Through her work at MoE, Erika supports tamariki, kaiako, and whānau to remove barriers to positive engagement at school and helps students to achieve their potential. She is particularly passionate about working with children who have high and complex needs and working collaboratively with other agencies to support families holistically. While originally from Auckland, Erika now calls the Waikato home where she lives with her husband and fur babies, while awaiting the arrival of their first human baby due February 2021.